Beef Roulade

So I keep saying I'm uncreative and it's certainly to do with self-reproach, I'm very good at putting myself down, I don't know why I do it? I just do. This recipe wasn't about recreating my past, with mine why would I want to do that? But about recreating the experience I wanted to feel, but was never allowed to feel - like with cordon bleu and goulash this was something I was never allowed to make - when we had this it was always pork and it was always pre-stuffed or cook from frozen, yucky stuff. We'd moved back to Germany by this point in my culinary progress. Shopping yet again in German stores, this was not something I was looking forward to. Before when I went shopping, choice seemed limited, I've since discovered, choice was limited because I didn't look, probably because I would never have been allowed to look, besides I wouldn't have been allowed to make it anyway! With my new found knowledge and a husband that was and still is, as enthusiastic as me,as far as my experimenting is concerned, I was amazed at the variety I never knew existed. I saw these beef roulade, unstuffed and knew immediately what to do with them, my only mistake was I cooked them for far too long - they were super tender which is what I wanted but they were also a little dry in places - not what I wanted!

Beef Roulade with

Creamcheese, Spinach and Mushroom Stuffing

4 chestnut mushrooms

handful frozen spinach, thawed and drained

2 spring onions/scallions, finely chopped

2 garlic cloves, crushed

large knob of butter

salt and cyenne pepper to taste

100g cream cheese

3 beef roulade/meat to make roulade

vegetable stock to cover

1. lightly fry the first six ingredients, meanwhile beat the creamcheese in a medium sized bowl, when the mushroom mixture is done, remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly, then add to the creamcheese and mix well.

2. Open the roulade and stuff with the spinach and creamcheese mixture, fold as tightly as possible, then pin together using skewers, metal or wood are fine.

3. Next in a hot skillet gently sear the roulade shut, transfer to a deep casserole dish, cover with the vegetable stock. place in the oven at about 180C/350F for about 1- 1 1/2 hours.