I’m a theoretician, mostly because over the years that, I
was with the father of my children, anything else was a non-starter, I am not
saying I was never allowed to do anything because that would be a lie and
unfair statement, but I rarely got to finish anything, hobbies got started and
were left half complete because funds wouldn’t allow me to finish, not that,
that ever stop him though from buying his computer magazines in excess of €10.00,
or his online subscriptions. In a way though I am grateful, because my reading
and writing, ‘theorizing’ has made me into a thinking, planning, reasoning sort
of person, I am for the most part self-taught . I’m certainly smarter than he
gave me credit for. Occasionally though I would be graced with “You’re not
stupid, but you’re not as smart as me.” To be fair, he does say he has nine A
levels which is huge achievement by anyone’s standard. If it sounds as though I’m
as bitter, it’s probably because I am – after all a, A level in picking your
nose is something to be really proud of. You’d also be right in assuming I don’t
believe him. Accolades should be awarded when due and not because you command
them, through lies and egoism.
In 2003 my son was diagnosed with ADHD, and to be honest
it was an incredibly tough time, not to mention the beginning of a turning
point! I was young and totally naïve. Alex was perfect there was nothing wrong
with him. How dare some trumped up jobs worth diagnose my boy with “naughty boy
syndrome?” The truth is I couldn’t face
that my perfect, gorgeous little boy wasn’t perfect, at least not in the eyes
of society, because to me he was perfect in every way.
Once I got over the shock and heartache and had learnt to
accept that I had one of “those” children. I began to study and read, and
whilst ultimately he did go onto medication, I wanted to try and control his
temper, mood swings, and behaviour problems with diet and herbal remedies, so I
set about on a theorizing mission, notebooks, pens, scrap paper, computer print
outs, books and internet at the ready
I began reading and writing, about anything and
everything that had to, do with ADHD. This is what I learnt;
Food containing salicylates such as processed foods, any
dyes in particular reds and oranges and dried fruit to name but a small few,
could set off an episode, by an episode I mean that Alex would get hyper, he’d
fidget, unable to sit still for five minutes and got easily distracted and
bored, his mind would wonder onto other things, something would trigger in his
brain, a need to do something. It could have been anything, like for example
setting light to a tree (yes he did do this) why he wanted to do it, is a
mystery to me still, anyway this would lead to him getting told off and given a
time out if not a grounding, on the tree occasion I grounded him.10 years or so
on, looking back I ask myself was it the right way, to go about things? I
honestly don’t know, he needed disciplining, something to tell him that this
was bad, but it had such a profound effect on him, not like that of a normal
child, first he would have an angry fit, screaming and yelling, usually some
kind of profanity along with “You never loved me Mummy” and the one which hurt
the most “I hate you so much, I wish my Daddy was home.” The other thing he did
was door slamming, which could quite literally go on for hours, sometimes! He
would just open and slam his bedroom door, over and over again. After the anger,
came anxiety I am assuming it was akin to a panic attack, that tight feeling
you get in your chest when you are so frightened you can’t breathe. In this
stage his way to deal with it was to become destructive, and he would tear his
room apart, throwing toys everywhere, pulling books off shelves and clothes out
of the wardrobe, as well as deliberately breaking stuff. Then came the final
stage, which was the ϋber pathetic stage, it would usually consist of his
bedroom window being opened and in a meek and weak voice he would say “Help me,
help me, help me” with the sad little look on his face that made you feel sorry
for him. Over time I learned that it was just a manipulation tactic, a way to
get me to do what he wanted, he could go for hours, days even planning how to
get what he wanted and for a little while at least I fell for it, hook, line
and sinker. I had also be taught/shown how to restrain him safely if he ever
got out of control in such a way that he was likely to hurt himself or others,
but I only used that tactic once because I ended up getting head butted in the
nose as he threw his head backwards, which really hurt. So for me that was an
episode it was a weekly thing, if it only happened once then I could count my
blessings.
So now
that you know exactly what I mean by episode I can carry on with the diet
thing. I also learnt that sugary foods were a bad idea, with this small bit of
information I set about changing his diet, in theory anyway, as I was working
full time and I was relying on my son’s father’s mother to implement it during
the day. Then me when he had breakfast and dinner.
1. Eliminate all
processed foods
2. No sweets or
dried fruits
3. No soft drinks
such as coke, lemonade , power/energy drinks
4. My final step
process of elimination
It was never going to be an easy task, but for the health
of my child, for what was best for him, I wasn’t going to be easily deterred either
and my onslaught began, so because I was having to rely on Alex’s Grandma “Oma”
due to my work commitments during the day, I made a chart Mon-Sun, with a box
for what he had eaten and one for comments;
Foods Reaction
to foods
Monday
|
Tuna
sandwich, coke, skittles
|
Became
hyper and lost concentration
|
Tuesday
|
||
Wednesday
|
||
Thursday
|
||
Friday
|
||
Saturday
|
||
Sunday
|
My theory was, if I kept an accurate account of what he
was eating, I could do a process of elimination that way. I also read that
children with a strict timetable, a routine, cope better with everyday life. So
I made flash cards with the time on them, pictures of the activity and the word
in English and in German, it was a physical timetable something tangible and I
had hoped fun to look at, so he could see and want to do the “chores” mostly
though it was simple things like, get up, clean teeth, get washed, get ready
for school… etc, etc. The idea was dismissed as soon as it was started, day one
didn’t work so none of it was going to work EVER and it all got binned, literally
the flash cards got thrown in the trash and the diet wasn’t even tried as far
as I can tell. Apart from me no one was that bothered or could be bothered with
all the effort, and so the easy option was afforded and he went on the meds,
and I had to make excuses for the lousy decision, it was me that had to explain
to people why I was putting poison into my son’s tiny fragile body. I said
utterly ridiculous things like,” I don’t want him missing out on what all the
other kids can eat,” and other equally as lame excuses. The truth though was
that I wanted him to lead an as normal life as possible, without the meds.
Whatever normal is? As usual though, my wishes were tossed aside as ridiculous
notions.
What would have worked though? Had I been allowed to
continue what kind of foods would I have been able to feed him and what should
have been avoided?
By eating Salicylate free foods, we can help avoid some
of the typical behaviour ADHD suffers are afflicted by. Salicylate, is a
natural occurring acid in plants, medications, perfumes and preservatives.
Salicylate free foods include; bananas, pears, lentils,
whole grain breads and cereals, lean meats and poultry, fish, milk cheese and
eggs.
Foods such as sweets, fruit juices and soft drinks –
anything with sweeteners like corn syrup, honey and sugar are all attributed to
a rise in blood sugar levels and could therefore be indicative of attention
problems and hyper activity.
It has been written and suggested that eating complex
carbs later in the day can help with relaxation and sleep, so eating things
like whole grain breads and cereals in the evening could help improve bedtime
routines. (I am not saying this is the answer to your prayers, but simply that
it COULD help).
Foods high in protein have shown to help with
concentration, so introducing your child to foods such as beans, eggs, low-fat
cheese, fish and lean meats could help there.
I also avoided anything with caffeine in it too, because
of over stimulation, but I recently read an article which stated that caffeine would
help a child with ADHD, lessening some of the symptoms – in hindsight and
knowing what I do about the medication given to children with ADHD it makes
perfect sense. A person with ADHD is likely to be medicated with Ritalin (although
not always Concerta is also another medication given, it worked better for my
son but made him VERY poorly and he had to be taken off it) Ritalin’s main
purpose, in children with ADHD is to help induce a calming effect and whilst it
is unknown exactly why this happens, it is known that it affects the chemical
balance in the brain. People who take Ritalin, that are not ADHD sufferers,
have been known to have an over stimulation in the brain which can have side
effects such as ADHD type symptoms, so having the complete opposite affect to
that of an ADHD sufferer. So I guess from a logical stand point it is quite feasible
that caffeine could have a calming effect to someone with ADHD. I am not sure that if I could go back and
repeat the process that I would change my mind and give him a cup of strong
coffee three or four times a day, but it was something interesting to consider.
I am by no means saying that you must choose diet over
medication, it is not my place to make that judgement, and after everything
that I went through when people found out that my son was on medication I would
never make the same judgement of others, people weren’t aware of my circumstances
but made two judgements of me straight away a) I was his mother so the choice
must have been mine b) I was too young and lazy to try the alternatives, the
only thing people were right about was me being too young, too young to fight
for what I knew was right for me and for my son. And that there is how you have
to make your choices in life, it’s not about what other people think you should
do or what you shouldn’t do, it’s about what is right for you and your family.
What works for me may not work for you and I have no right to force you into
something, just as no one had the right to judge me, I had a right to do what I
thought was best for me and my son, and although I wanted to go down the diet
route, if I had chosen to give him medication that should have been ok. People’s
attitudes made me especially cross, as none of the choices made regarding my
children were my own. I did what was expected of me.
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